Just A Mom Trying

You don’t even want to open your eyes in the morning. You know exactly what’s waiting for you the moment you do; the never-ending demands and needs of everyone around you. It’s the same thing, every single day, stretching out endlessly before you. And the truth is, this isn’t just about a bad night’s sleep or a hectic schedule. For many of us, this feeling of dread isn’t just about the current chaos; it’s a heavy cloud hanging over the very idea of motherhood. It’s stealing our joy.

The Silent Robbers: What’s Stealing Our Joy?

The dread isn’t some abstract fear; it’s rooted in very real anxieties and experiences. Often, the joy we imagine for motherhood gets chipped away by a few common culprits. And perhaps the heaviest, most insidious among them is guilt.

• The Weight of the Invisible Load & The Crushing Guilt: Even with partners who support us in their own vital ways, the mental load of motherhood can feel incredibly isolating. My partner, for instance, works tirelessly out in the hot sun, often putting in overtime with hard labor. He faces the elements day in and day out, never complaining, and when he comes home, he’s still wonderful with the kids, never losing his temper. I see and deeply appreciate his immense efforts to provide for our family, and honestly, I don’t typically expect him to do the house chores — I am, after all, the stay-at-home mom. Yet, despite this profound gratitude and understanding for all he does, there’s still a distinct mental burden that often falls mostly on my shoulders. It’s the constant planning, anticipating, remembering, and organizing — the silent, unseen work that runs a household and keeps tiny humans thriving. And here’s the kicker: even with all his amazing qualities and contributions, I still feel guilt for expecting anything more of him, for even having those quiet thoughts like, “You live here too, couldn’t you just put your clothes in your hamper instead of all over the house?” This feeling of primarily carrying that mental burden, navigating countless decisions and holding so many unspoken details, can be incredibly heavy. This complex mix of appreciation and unspoken need triggers crushing guilt — guilt for even acknowledging my own struggles when he’s working so hard, guilt for not being enough, for not loving every second, for even thinking about how hard it is or wishing for more help. It tells us we’re bad mothers, bad partners, bad people, just for struggling.
• Neglected Needs & Lost Selves: Before motherhood, you had your routines, your hobbies, your quiet moments, and your identity that wasn’t tied to someone else’s immediate demands. But now? Your needs often become an afterthought. Sleep, a hot meal, a moment of peace, even a coherent thought — they all feel like luxuries you can’t afford. When your own well-being is constantly pushed aside, when you feel like you’ve completely lost the person you used to be, it’s impossible for joy to flourish. This too, often brings a wave of guilt for daring to miss your old self, much less have normal human needs.
• The Shadow of Persistent Sadness, Overwhelm, & Lost Time: And sometimes, these feelings aren’t just about external pressures. For many, the underlying current of dread is amplified, or even caused by, deeper struggles within. A pervasive sense of sadness or constant overwhelm can dim even the brightest moments, making everything feel heavy and joyless. Anxiety can turn everyday tasks into huge unpassable mountains of worry. It’s crucial to acknowledge that sometimes, what we’re feeling isn’t just “mom stress” but a real, persistent struggle that needs attention. When you’re constantly battling these internal struggles and stuck in survival mode, the sheer exhaustion and fog can eat away at our memories, making it feel like we’re losing precious moments of our children growing up. And when you’re battling these internal struggles, the guilt for not being “happy” or “present” can be suffocating.

The All-Consuming Cloud: How Dread Steals Our Life

Dread isn’t just a fleeting feeling that comes and goes; it’s an all-consuming cloud that hangs over every moment, touching every part of our lives. It can impact:

• Our Relationships: When we’re bogged down by the mental load and guilt, our patience runs thin. We might find ourselves more irritable with our partner or our children, creating distance instead of connection. We might even avoid our friends because we don’t have the energy to put on a happy face.
• Our Ability to be Present: Instead of living in the moment, we’re stuck in our heads, worrying about the next task, the next demand, or the next week. We’re physically there, but mentally we’re somewhere else entirely, and for some, that’s a form of dissociating to get away from it all. This can make it feel like we’re just going through the motions, watching our own lives from the outside.
• Our Physical & Mental Well-Being: The constant stress and anxiety take a toll. We might lose sleep, our appetites might change, and we could feel a perpetual state of exhaustion. This cycle of mental and physical fatigue makes it even harder to break free from the dread, trapping us in a cycle that feels impossible to escape. The more we struggle, the more this dread snowballs, making everything we’ve already talked about — from the invisible load to the guilt to the lost sense of self — even worse. It’s all connected, and it makes every aspect of our lives harder.

Finding a Path Forward

After acknowledging the dread and the joy-stealers, the next step is to find a way to navigate through it. This isn’t about eliminating every hard day, but about creating space for joy to return.

• Practice Self-Compassion: This is the first and most important step. It’s the act of being kind to yourself instead of critical. When that inner voice tells you you’re not enough, self-compassion is the quiet courage to say, “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” It’s giving yourself the grace to be imperfectly human.
• Find Your Village: No one can do this alone. The truth is, we all need a village, whether it’s a few trusted friends, a local group, or an online community. The purpose of a space like this one — a place for a mom who is just trying– is to remind you that you don’t have to carry this load alone. You have a place here.
• Focus on What Matters: Instead of chasing a perfect ideal, celebrate the reality of your life. Find contentment and peace in the small moments of connection — the laughter, the quiet cuddles, the silly jokes — and let that be the measure of a good day. Your worth is found in those moments, not in external pressures.
• Reclaim Your Joy: This is the hard-hitting step. When you feel trapped in the cycle of dread and overwhelm, the most transformative act you can take is to find a way to be you again. This isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. It’s an act of defiance against the feeling that you’ve been completely consumed. It could be as simple as putting on your favorite music and dancing in the kitchen, carving out twenty minutes to read a book, or scheduling an hour to do something you loved before all the demands took over. You are more than just a mom, and rediscovering the person you are outside of that role is the only way to genuinely break free and let joy find its way back in.

This journey won’t be easy, but the most important step is simply beginning. So, if you wake up tomorrow and the dread is still there, remember that you have the power to do one small thing to make that day a little bit lighter. This is the real path to finding your way back to joy. You are worthy of that joy.

If you’re reading this and feel less alone, know that this space exists for you. Drop a comment below and share one small way you plan to reclaim your joy today. We are a village, and your story is a vital part of it.