Just A Mom Trying

My 5 Tips to Stopping the Fits

Anyone want to spend all summer break listening to kids throwing fits? Anyone? No? Yea, same! When it comes to melt downs, the best defense is a good offense. Preventing them in the first place can be gold in this motherhood world.

What I mean by that is, meeting their basic needs. Do you often feel grumpy when you are tired, hungry, thirsty, its too loud, or you have wet spot on your sock from stepping in that puddle of lord only knows what, that 10 people have walked past and pretended it didn’t exist???! *Deep breaths* Do you get upset if your significant other ignores you?

They are tiny humans that are still learning their bodies and about the world around them. They do not have grown up regulations nor brains. Even teenagers are still developing. Think back to when you were a teen. *Shudders*

It is natural for them to test and find their independence in this world. After all, don’t we want them to eventually be independent adults? It takes a lot of practice. They are also testing that against depending on you for their needs to be met. Its a hard thing to balance and they don’t even realize they are doing it.

So when a fit does begin, it is our job to teach them how to regulate and manage these big feelings. I know it is hard some days to hold it together yet again when another fit comes. We lose our sense of regulating our emotions, but then there are 2 fits instead of one. So keeping in mind you need to remain calm is important. The more you practice it, the easier it will become.

Once a fit does begin, it’s our job to teach them how to regulate and manage these big feelings. Here are my top 5 tips:

1. Stay calm.
2. Get down to their level and/or go to them (don’t yell across the room)
3. Give them a moment to regulate and come out of survival mode with a hand hold or hug (otherwise nothing you say will resonate with them if they are stuck in high gear)
4. Deep breathe with them (again, switching those gears)
5. Explain you need them to talk to you with their big words so you can understand and help

While it might seem a bit unconventional, teaching children to regulate emotions and manage big feelings, it takes a lot of practice, but remember, they are still developing and need our guidance. And to know it comes from a place of love.

I have one child who can throw a never-ending fit if she doesn’t get her way. She is very hard-headed sometimes. For her I follow the same steps above, (I’m far from perfect and I fail to help us both regulate our emotions sometimes) but I still follow through with my original “No” that I gave her. Sometimes, I can offer a compromise, but not always.

I find just showing her that I am listening and I hear her, even if the answer is no, she can move on from it quicker than had I just yelled no at her from across the house. After practicing this with her, she has gotten better at expressing her needs in a calmer way and skips the fits more often.

I also find redirecting their attention to be beneficial. Giving them a job by being mommy’s helper is usually the winner. I can then give them a damp rag and have them wipe down a wall.

It’s a chore I don’t usually enjoy, but if they know they are helping, it makes them feel important. I have learned to stick close to them and give encouragement instead of wandering off to be successful.

Every child needs a different approach to parenting, discipline, and love. There is no one way to do something either. Just give yourself and your child some grace as you both learn how to grow in your roles and in life.

Connecting and consistency are key.

Have you found anything that helps in your situation when meltdowns happen? Share your advice with us! You never know who it might help.